Creating music that talks about my faith in my lowest times feels extremely vulnerable to share. I spent my life surrounded by family who create music from thin air. A lot of it was to stir laughter or describe an event. But when it came to gospel music we went straight to the hymnal or the already defined church songs. No one wrote their own.
There is a thin line between praise and worship songs and singing out your pain to God. That is my current take anyway. When I look at the story of Job I am faced with complex thoughts but I marvel that even in his despair he chose to praise God. Very remarkable stuff.
In my hardest seasons, and I put plural because there have been too many along the years, I try to reflect Job's journey of unshakeable faith. This is a lesson I am working on daily to learn and more importantly to remember. Because left to my natural devices, I am bound to forget. I wrote The Lord Gives and Takes Away to remind myself that I should not serve God only in the good times but in every situation I find myself. Making a daily choice to serve God when my heart is breaking. When I am overwhelmed and trying to project that all is well.
What worship does when we feel our prayers have not been answered
There have been seasons where finding the right words when I pray has failed to come forth. I sit in the disappointment of the hand I have been dealt. I close my eyes and just cry. I have no doubt God is still the same today and tomorrow but in those moments I can only see my pain and my limitations.
Speaking of crying, apparently my sister calls me a cry baby. Not the kindest thing to say. But she is trying to infuse humour in her own way and most times she succeeds.
In those moments of loneliness and emptiness I wrote the Hold On EP as my prayer to remind myself that Christ is always near.
"I know you're drowning. I have been there. But there's a rope tied to something real. And even if your grip slips, He's holding on."
Wherever you are today, at your lowest point or at the peak of your career, Christ is right next to you with arms wide open. The door is worth opening.
If this resonates, the Hold On EP is waiting for you at The Sacred.